So You Want to Live in the Country

As you know we live in a really small town.  719 folks at last count.  We enjoy most of the things that living here affords us.  Take peeing off the back porch.  There aren't many places you can live where you can walk out the back door and pee off the porch.  Quick, easy and it saves the 1.25 gallons of water it would take to flush.  

The other things include being able to take your gun and go for a walk.  The kind of walk that takes you over the river and through the woods.  You can really enjoy the wildlife and nature that abounds, and with the gun you can blast stuff.  Man, it just doesn't get better.

Having room to have a garden, plant fruit trees (Al Gore would be so proud) are easy to do with a little room.  Being able to see the stars shine brightly without all that light pollution.  The sweet smell of burning trash (wait, carbon offsets with the trees, remember).  

One of the things we have chosen to do, and have done for the past five years, is have our children raise show chickens for the local livestock show.  Read some of my past posts and you will know that we cull the flock down over the period of time that we raise them.  Then the day comes to pick the ones ("the chicken pickin'") that you will actually bring into the ring to be judged.

In chicken shows the exhibitor shows a pen of three birds.  There are several things that a judge will look for but the top ones are the size of the breast, length of the breast and the uniformity of the pen of birds.

 

In order to effectively pick your pen you will hang the birds upside down, side by side, by its feet, so you can feel the breasts of the three birds.  Sounds fun, right?  Remember these birds are upwards of 7-8-or 9 pounds.  Just watch your eight year old try and hold them up.  They work so hard.  When you are not feeling up the birds you tuck them under your arm, right side up, and let the blood flow to the right places again.

While they are tucked the business end of the bird is pointed out and away from you, but sometimes in the direction of one of your chicken holders.  Some of you may think it would be fun to have a pet chicken.  Just let me tell you that chickens are nasty birds.  That is what this post is about.  If you don't believe me just see the picture below of one of the recruits helping us hold that got crapped on.  She is a real trooper, never missed a beat.  What a woman.

I must explain a little bit.  The bird that did the deed was not the one she was holding, but the one I was holding, two or three feet away.  Get the picture?  Lets just say that there is a bit of pressure behind the behind.

El Toro Negro