Panty Problems

I have two daughters. The oldest is 8 and my youngest is three. Over the last eight years, being the good father that I am, I have feed, read to, given baths, blow dried hair and dressed these two more times than I can count. I have done my best to allow them opportunities to learn how to do these things for themselves. Teach them to fish, right?

My oldest girl learned how to dress herself with relative ease. One of the biggest rules is tag in the back. Everyone knows and practices this. Tag in the back. I thought this was pretty standard, until a few weeks ago.

My youngest girl is sooooo independent. She is forever saying "I can do it" so when I saw several times that her panties were on backwards I just figured that she did it by herself and hadn't quite earned the RULE of tag in the back. I mean, I have dressed her many times each week and never noticed that her little panties had changed. It was just natural for me to turn them correctly and have her step in. You know what I mean. The but part is much bigger, has the tag, and that part goes in the back. Why was she having so much trouble?

Upon further investigation I uncovered that there is a vast conspiracy within the panty industry. Someone has determined that putting the tag in the back somehow is racist, and unfairly favors privileged white girls and therefore must be placed randomly. Most of my daughters panties' tags were not in the back. They were on the side, and not always on the right side or left side. It is difficult to put the tag in the back when the tag isn't in the back.

What kind of sick individual would disrupt such a long practiced tradition? Is there someone somewhere sitting in their living room giggling, thinking of all the little girls that have their panties on backwards? Thinking of how uncomfortable and silly they look? Why would someone want to do this? Are they trying to give these girls the feeling that they can't do anything right? It is hard to understand such depravity.

And how do you explain to a three year old that now she has to relearn how to put her bloomers on? How do you answer the questions of "Why, Daddy, did they change it?" What's next, the nightgown industry? Will the little girls of this country be found with their sleepwear on backwards too?

El Toro Negro